Its not you…It’s ACTUALLY me.

I have always had a tendency to ruin things with people I really care about. I struggle with my feelings and try and hide them until they get found out then I run away from it, I have just ruined something recently.

I really liked someone and was kind of unsure on what type of relationship we both had and what we meant to each other which was something that was bothering me for sometime. I have a hard time addressing people when It comes to honest conversation and the thought of not knowing where I actually stand with someone is somewhat crushing to me. Lately I haven’t been myself and I’ve been down a lot on my self image thinking it’s everyone else’s fault why I feel the way I do so I instantly cut them out of my life cos I think it’s the most easiest escape route. It’s not.
Getting drunk then taking it out on everyone ISN’T the best option either.
Alcohol is the route of evil and isn’t the answer which I’ve learnt this week.

It takes me a long time to open up to people and when I do It always goes wrong.

I have learned one lesson, and it’s to be honest. Even if he doesn’t speak to me again he has taught me that. 

It’s not you it’s me, a cliche line which is somewhat so relatable right now.









Meeting someone new. *Love potion for the soul*

Okay so i’m not a dating expert, I’ve had literally the worst luck with guys and always end up questioning ‘whats wrong with me?’ (and my sanity) and It turns out it’s nothing I’ve directly done (SOBER) I must stress this though, i’m not saying i’m perfect, I have so many flaws but i’m learning to accept them now as it makes me who I am. I’m a unbelievably awkward person at first glance/encounter but beneath it I can be hilarious and crazy- But in the best way.

I have a hard time accepting myself for who I am, one day i’ll like how I look and the remainder days i’ll just try and cover up every mirror and hide away. I don’t know why I’m always seeking for acceptance or perfection, cos the anti-climax of life has it’s way of not existing.

Learning to accept yourself is the first rule, the next is up to you to show the person who you are so they like you for you. I know at first usually people try to be the best of themselves, so the person who you are meeting for a date for example only see’s that. I think this is just false advertisement as it only shows this ‘BEST’ side, i’m not saying that you have to reveal all of yourself but your true colours should make some sort of appearance.

The second I’ve learned is to say how you are actually feeling. For example I met a guy a while ago and I became friends with them and they liked me too, which you think would be perfect.
But for me, if someone likes me I have this tendency to run away from it. The thought of it scares me so much, So i run away and then when I’ve realized that I’ve pushed the person away they either get sick of my ways or they’ve given up on me. Sad but true, and this is something  I’ve tried to change. Especially lately when meeting someone new the best thing I could of done was to tell them how I felt, make sure you’re sober doing it though as the time I did….lets just say there wasn’t much alcohol left (or dignity)
A good ol’ cringey conversation about feelings can also give your love interest and idea of honesty and also you will know where you stand with them.
Don’t be afraid of how you feeling, take me for example and you’ll end up losing them.

Who knows who you will meet in 2014.